Clearly in Denial
by The Weaver Atropos
Summary: Ken is clearly gay, right?  And, clearly in love with him, right?  Then, what the hell is he doing off with Yuriko in some out of the way cabin?  Ran ponders Ken's sexuality, attraction, and behavior.  RANKEN.  HumorCrack


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**_Clearly in Denial  
_**_The Weaver Atropos  
Time Frame: _July 19, 2007 (5:26—6:22)_  
Comments: _Whew!! CRACK FIC!! ...its total Ran-mind CRACK. There's some measure of plot, though, and Ran's characterization is believable, if slightly OCC. Enjoy!

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That incident with Yuriko had left him unsettled.

He had always assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that the brunette was like him.

And, while that sounded like an oxymoron, Ran was sure he was right.

He had always been aware of the subtle hints—the way Ken's eyes would linger just a bit too long when an attractive man passed them by, the way he would shift away uncomfortably when a female customer came too close, the way he was so careful about his word choices…

…and the way he would look at him when he said something that might've given him away.

Most recently, however, it had to do with the way he and Youji were palling about, whispering surreptiously in each other's ears, laughing about something or other that only made sense to them. Even the petite blonde, with his ever-optimistic disposition, had been more than slightly discomfited by the fact.

And then, out of nowhere, and intent on throwing his entire milieu to the curb, Yuriko had appeared.

He could see how Ken would be attracted to her, with her wide, voluptuous curves and bubbly personality. Not that Ran had made a habit of getting to know her; it just so happened he had trailed them once. Or twice. Purely for reconnaissance purposes (he had to protect Weiss, after all). Or so he said.

Denial was evident.

Still, Yuriko was _fundamentally_ the opposite of what he would have thought Ken wanted. Ken was one of those laid-back types—the kind whose idea of a date involved watching old movies on a comfy, discombobulated couch, complete with popcorn and cheap soda.

Not that Yuriko didn't like popcorn and comfy couches and old movies. He just didn't think Ken went too well with her.

I mean, especially if he were gay, right?

Only apparently, from what Ran gathered, Ken wasn't gay, which threw his entire scheme off-center, and made him feel somehow cheated. Fujimiya Ran did not like it when strangers altered his constants.

Even if that constant was the (incredibly) unimportant Hidaka Ken.

Who was currently, and had been for the past few days, largely missing-in-action. He had ignored Youji's teasing suggestion that they were probably locked in some romantic, out-of-the way cabin, eager on getting away from the rain and civilization, and probably making babies.

He had punched him out for even _suggesting_ that Ken was capable of making babies.

Ran couldn't rightly well fathom how a _clearly_ gay man could even think about making babies with a voluptuous, wet-dream-worthy woman, who _clearly_ was not his type.

Even if they both raced motorcycles and had killer bodies. Or at least, Ken had a killer body. He'd withhold comment on Yuriko for obvious reasons.

Ran frowned, kicking morosely at the soccer ball he'd stumbled into in the basement, and glaring at the checkered pattern as though it were mocking him in all its symmetrical and mathematical perfection. The rain was still pouring heavily, weather that would have made it _impossible_ for Ken to ride back to the Koneko—unless he were intent on suicide…or, unless he were carrying a passenger.

…So maybe the two bastards _were_ locked in a romantic, out-of-the-way cabin, making babies. Apparently for the sheer sake of pissing him off.

Well, Fujimiya Ran would show them that it _clearly_ would not piss him off that a _clearly_ gay man would make babies with a woman who was _clearly_ not his type.

Shit. He was _clearly_ in serious denial.

Cue Jealousy and Envy.

Not that it mattered, since now, Ken had somehow undergone some (miracle) change that had made him the picture of exemplary masculinity, complete with soccer-playing charm, charismatic looks, and a penchant for irresponsibility. And messiness. One could never forget messiness.

Nevermind if Ken had _always_ been an excellent soccer player, abounding with incredibly good lucks and reckless charm. And a messy room.

And so what if that man was currently engaged with a woman whose curves were probably illegal in certain European countries, and were probably, at the moment, in said man's arms.

Ran shuddered. That last bit had engendered something of a mental image.

So then, if he were to _logically_ examine all the data he had gathered over the last few days, save for yesterday, when the brunette had managed to evade him, Ran would conclude that Ken was, in fact, in denial.

That's right. Ken was obviously in serious denial regarding his sexuality.

In which case, his decision to seek solace in Yuriko was not only obvious, but harmless.

That's right. Ran's subconscious had somehow reached the conclusion that Ken was gay (obviously), and that his current _relationship_ (if it could even be called that) with Yuriko, was a byproduct of his need to assert his masculinity. Because, Ken was _obviously_ in denial.

Ran was momentarily proud of his reasoning.

And then he realized that if Ken really were trying to assert his masculinity, then an out-of-the-way cabin would be ridiculously conducive to making babies. What better way to alert his masculinity than to bed a gorgeous bombshell?

And, you know, make a few mini-Kens?

Or…and this was the option that Ran clinged to—Ken _could_ already be beyond the throes of his denial, and was merely buddying around with Yuriko because…she was harmless. Because, since he was _gay_ (duh), Yuriko _obviously_ posed no threat to him _romantically_.

Which _clearly_ meant that Ken was in love with _him_.

Ran thought his heart might've fluttered for a moment.

And, if Ken were in love with him, as his logical line of reasoning naturally proposed, then his current escapade with Yuriko was nothing more than a ploy to make him jealous.

It was working!

…Hidaka Ken was a genius.

Only, somehow, Ran supposed that, if Ken were really trying to make him jealous, he wouldn't be kissing Yuriko when he didn't know that he was around. Unless of course, Ken _had_ seen him hiding behind that massive ice-cream monument.

Which was unlikely, considering he had been eating Yuriko's face at the time.

Ran frowned. Somehow, Ken eating Yuriko's face didn't paint the uneager picture of a man in denial.

Which prompted an obvious alternative: Ken was bi.

Only, Ran didn't know how to deal with that possibility, since Ken had always been a _clearly_ gay man. And now he was a bi man in denial?

That didn't make much sense.

Since when did bi men in denial eat their girlfriend's faces?

That sounded cannibalistic.

Maybe Ran would get lucky and Ken would accidentally bite off Yuriko's head.

Ran shuddered again. Yet another unappetizing mental image.

His logic was getting him nowhere. He chanced a glance at his watch to find that it was twenty-to-ten, and was about to give the soccer ball one final kick before he heard the dull roar of a motorcycle pulling up to the curb. Minutes later, the garage door eased open and a drenched Hidaka Ken poked his head through.

Note: a _drenched_ Hidaka Ken.

"Aya?"

_Clearly_ the voice of a man in love.

He grunted his reply, not quite sure what to make of the soaked specimen before him.

The brunette grinned sheepishly in answer, "I got caught in the storm."

Translation: _I couldn't wait to see you, so I risked my life in the thunderstorm for you_.

Ran swallowed thickly. "Yuriko?"

Ken cocked his head curiously to the right, "Yuriko? She should be in Australia by now." The brunette smiled absently. "Why?"

"No reason."

Nodding, Ken made to brush past him and upstairs, when he realized Ran's foot was firmly holding his soccer ball in place. "Oh!" Pleased, the brunette dropped to his knees and examined the ball. "You were playing?"

Chocolate brown eyes stared up indulgently at him, and Ran nodded mechanically.

"Hmm…" The brunette rose swiftly and fluidly, his eyes lingering on violet. "You should have told me earlier."

Ran hesitated. _Clearly_, he was in denial. Right?

"I thought you were with Yuriko." His voice was barely a whisper.

"No."

His mouth was close and his lips were drawn into an enticing, teasing line. "I was just alone at the cabin. Waiting for anybody to show up."

Translation: _You didn't come._

"Oh."

"Oh?"

Ran nodded. Oh.

Ken studied him intently for a few seconds before speaking, "I was starting to wonder if you were even gay to begin with."

"Or, you know, in some serious, anal-Aya denial."

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OWARI 


End file.
